From Absolution: A Question of Conviction:
“She dropped the page as though it burned, a hand shooting to her mouth.
My God!
Bending forward from the waist, she sucked in lungfuls of air, spots swimming before her eyes.
She struggled to her feet, feeling faint, and staggered to a wall cabinet where she stored a bottle of aqua vitae. Desperately yanking free the stopper, she slopped a good portion into a wine glass and drank it off, heedless of the burning sensation it caused.
That was how her maidservant, Lucy, found her a minute later, choking and clinging to the cabinet for support.
With Lucy’s help, Catherine recovered her wits and sank gratefully onto her desk chair again.
Steeling herself against the pain, she carefully re-read the letter and thought through the consequences.
They have my boy, Henry, and threaten to do him harm.
The Privy Council has asked John to investigate a certain matter in Norfolk, and this letter demands I use my influence over John to end that investigation.
They know much, these blackmailers. Except they do not know John and I are…estranged? Is that what we are?
She shook her head to bring her focus back to the task at hand.
Taking several sheets of parchment from a drawer, she began drafting letters of her own.
The first was to the master at St John’s College, requesting immediate confirmation of Charles’ safety and instructing him to keep Charles within sight and within the college until further notice.
The next letter was going to be more difficult to compose.
Resuming correspondence with John after months of proud silence was going to require swallowing her pride.
But in a sense, this emergency makes it easier to write, she thought.
That’s what she told herself anyway, furiously writing and refusing to think too hard about it.
She could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she desperately tried to remain detached and logical.
This is hopeless! She berated herself. Whenever I think of John, all rationality flees from my mind.
She sealed the letter and rose to pace about the room.
The more she tried to purge her mind of his image, the greater her longing became.
Damn him! she screamed without uttering a sound.”